In Progress

Who says which way is the right way? The wrong way? Who says there is or is not an absolute truth in this life? Or in the next? Just because we believe something, doesn't make it so. In fact, every single thing we believe could be entirely wrong. "They" say perception makes reality... but it is more likely that your perception makes the illusion you think is reality. Since, If I believe I don't have my shoes on, but I do...MY "reality" isn't reality at all. Who says you have to follow the rules to find what you are looking for? That you must obey societies acceptable predefined path to... success, love.. anything. Why can't we trust our emotions to lead us? Because they are unpredictable, often-times wrong when looked at with hind-sight, irrational, volatile. Sometimes I don't want to be tempered by logic. Some-times a purely emotional, gut-wrenching, uninhibited emotional outburst is just what the Dr. ordered. Just not Dr. Phil. He would never approve of such a thing.

I am quite literally thinking out "loud" now... I've been working on tempering my emotional reactions, controlling my response to my emotions. There seems to be one particular area I have little to no control over. I almost always regret what I've said, I still have the ability to do and say the things I worked so hard to change.. granted, it seems like the dark liquid in the glass bottle hinders any desire I have to control myself. I wonder though if this is truly the way I feel, when I have an "outburst" or if the way I really feel is the way I feel later when I wish I could take some of it back, and get a little of my dignity back in the process. Maybe it is both. Such a learning process, such a work in progress, such a life in progress. I can't stop now. Working on me still. I am.