This Moment

"Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself." - Og Mandino

In a moment spent analyzing my thoughts I became aware of a sense of happiness placed firmly in the future. Not hope, per say; but more of a certainty that I will be happy when a situation reaches what I imagine to be the desired state. Is that hope? If so, I've decided it's not for me. Not hope in happiness anyway. I realized that my desire was for it to be a time in the future, past the work, past the experiences that will get me to this ultimate place, past whatever hurt may come, whatever difficult times may lie ahead; Just get me to the good part.

Well, this will never do. This will keep me in a constant state of dissatisfaction. Won't it? Will I not be ever in expectation? Wouldn't I find myself perpetually anxious? How can I enjoy the moment I am in, if I am already waiting for the better one? How can I learn from something I don't appreciate? I must subconsciously think my current experiences are unnecessary. In which case, I don't see how I could be experiencing them to their full potential. I am most certainly missing out. I am most certainly not happy, if my happiness is based on something that will be; and not something that is.

It isn't profound, it isn't anything we haven't heard said a million times, a million ways. Yet, it is something that requires conscious effort, analyzing our thoughts and feelings can make you realize you have thought patterns and attitudes that guide your behaviors. If behaviors become habits and habits become character. Well then I suppose it is about time we are more aware of what exactly drives these thoughts and feelings. Is it a chemical reaction, sense of entitlement, insecurities, pride, ego? Whatever it may be within that is determined to hold us back, must be rooted out and re-framed. Without this awareness, progress is strangled and we may find ourselves wondering why we can only get so far.

I find myself frustrated, oftentimes wondering why I can't get over a specific hurdle. Why is it that I struggle so to change a specific behavior? Why do I find myself in a re-match with this same opponent repeatedly? Because I haven't beat it yet. There is more work to do. I'd like to think this realization that I must learn to be appreciative of every moment, in order to gain from them, is a start. I don't have to enjoy them, but I have to realize their worth. I have to be content in whatever stage of a situation I am in, knowing that no one ever went from start to finish without the journey between. That includes the struggles, the triumphs, the failures and the victories. So today, I set about just being happy I am where I am. Today I focus, instead, on what I can take from each experience I have. From every situation I am in right now; There is something to learn, something to take with me into those next moments. One realization that I am in such marvel about is just the knowledge that we as humans possess the capability for such power in our own lives. Excitement at what awaits me, that's ok. Contentment and appreciation in this moment, even better.